Everyone has a reason to be mad at Heather on this trip, and they are all different reasons, but really they are all mad about the 55 million dollars. When they aren’t seething with jealousy, the women go parasailing, they do overzealous pool workouts, and they order a toothbrush from the front desk for Shannon, who has not brushed her teeth in four days.
Vicki shows up unexpectedly to harangue Jenn for leaving her husband and then break down crying because checks notes: the women are being mean to each other. The nerve! No wonder she is the OG.
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OG Housewife Lauri has a plan to get back on the show, and it involves activating Gretchen to spread the rumor that Vicki has threesomes. Vicki! A woman who won’t even say “vagina.” Actually, scratch that. If you really, really think on it for a minute, Victoria Gunvalson is absolutely capable of receiving from more than one person.
Some intrepid reporter needs to do an in-depth exposé on what exactly is wrong with Shannon Storms Beador’s digestive system. This woman has been trying to poop for years. We have been through so many trips to Dr. Moon with her, and so many enemas.
If only Heather could protect all of the ladies' feelings as well as she protects her clothing packed in individual sheets of white tissue paper.
It’s a Tale of Two Girl’s Trips. Tamra brings her anti-Shannon weapon Alexis Bellino, along with Katie and Jenn, to her Big Bear cabin. Meanwhile, Gina, Heather, Shannon, and Emily head out to Elizabeth Vargas’ stunning estate in the desert, for which Gina has the listing. The only rule for vacationing in a house that’s been staged for sale? Do not spill anything!
It must be said, the Orange County ladies are much more game for Montana than the New York cast was. They rode the bull! Well, except for Shannon, but she has a bony vagina and that’s a medical excuse. They ate outside without throwing a fit! Heather Dubrow shoveled poop!
Uh-oh. One season wonder Noella Bergener wasn’t even supposed to be invited on this cast trip. Heather did not want her along after she gave her daughter an LGBT+-themed card game that was inappropriate for a minor. But Gina begged Fancy Pants to reconsider and promised to be on Noella duty, running interference.
This is a COVID vacation, which means no private chefs or butlers. In fact, Shannon and Emily can’t even come because they actually have COVID. Braunwyn is nervous about her first sober girls trip, but she perseveres, shouting to her husband Sean over her shoulder as she gets in the van, “If I call you, answer the phone.
Thank goodness the women are split into two different villas (and two different cars) because Vicki and Kelly are not speaking, and when they are speaking they are screaming. With the Tres Amigas of Tamra, Shannon, and Vicki (and sometimes Gina) on one team, they are given the moniker of Senior Citizen Team.
Shannon Beador is the queen of alternative healing. She has crystals buried in the foundation of her hospital-grade air-filled home! She’s marketing a home enema kit with Dr. Moon! So obviously Miraval is her shit. She jumps at the chance to be in the middle of a sound bath ceremony, complete with a bowl balanced on her head like a hat.
Of course the OC ladies are only in Jamaica for a few minutes before doing something culturally insensitive. They arrive with novelty dreadlocks in their carry-on and “yeah mon!” on the tips of their tongues. It’s not a great trip for Shannon - she is going through a divorce, and new girls Gina Kirschenheiter and Emily Simpson are ready to confront her for the frosty reception she has given them.