Fair enough, they do pass around one pair of reading glasses when it comes time to read the menu, but when the under 50s go to bed early, Shannon, Tamra, and Vicki go skinny dipping in the hotel pool.
Tamra, whose body seems to get tighter and bouncier with every birthday that brings her closer to 60, screams “CANNONBALL!” so, of course, the hotel security is called. And, of course, Vicki twists her ankle running from the law and is taken away in an ambulance, laughing the whole way.
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OG Housewife Lauri has a plan to get back on the show, and it involves activating Gretchen to spread the rumor that Vicki has threesomes. Vicki! A woman who won’t even say “vagina.” Actually, scratch that. If you really, really think on it for a minute, Victoria Gunvalson is absolutely capable of receiving from more than one person.
Some intrepid reporter needs to do an in-depth exposé on what exactly is wrong with Shannon Storms Beador’s digestive system. This woman has been trying to poop for years. We have been through so many trips to Dr. Moon with her, and so many enemas.
If only Heather could protect all of the ladies' feelings as well as she protects her clothing packed in individual sheets of white tissue paper.
It’s a Tale of Two Girl’s Trips. Tamra brings her anti-Shannon weapon Alexis Bellino, along with Katie and Jenn, to her Big Bear cabin. Meanwhile, Gina, Heather, Shannon, and Emily head out to Elizabeth Vargas’ stunning estate in the desert, for which Gina has the listing. The only rule for vacationing in a house that’s been staged for sale? Do not spill anything!
It’s said that money talks and wealth whispers, but when you sell your Orange County house for 55 million dollars, you don’t have to speak about it at any volume. People will find out. Also, as Heather Dubrow found out at the first night’s dinner, they will be mad you didn’t tell them yourself.
It must be said, the Orange County ladies are much more game for Montana than the New York cast was. They rode the bull! Well, except for Shannon, but she has a bony vagina and that’s a medical excuse. They ate outside without throwing a fit! Heather Dubrow shoveled poop!
Uh-oh. One season wonder Noella Bergener wasn’t even supposed to be invited on this cast trip. Heather did not want her along after she gave her daughter an LGBT+-themed card game that was inappropriate for a minor. But Gina begged Fancy Pants to reconsider and promised to be on Noella duty, running interference.
This is a COVID vacation, which means no private chefs or butlers. In fact, Shannon and Emily can’t even come because they actually have COVID. Braunwyn is nervous about her first sober girls trip, but she perseveres, shouting to her husband Sean over her shoulder as she gets in the van, “If I call you, answer the phone.
Shannon Beador is the queen of alternative healing. She has crystals buried in the foundation of her hospital-grade air-filled home! She’s marketing a home enema kit with Dr. Moon! So obviously Miraval is her shit. She jumps at the chance to be in the middle of a sound bath ceremony, complete with a bowl balanced on her head like a hat.
Of course the OC ladies are only in Jamaica for a few minutes before doing something culturally insensitive. They arrive with novelty dreadlocks in their carry-on and “yeah mon!” on the tips of their tongues. It’s not a great trip for Shannon - she is going through a divorce, and new girls Gina Kirschenheiter and Emily Simpson are ready to confront her for the frosty reception she has given them.