In fairness, Charrisse is a bit distracted because it is her wedding anniversary, or would be if she weren’t separated. What’s the traditional gift for a separated wedding anniversary? Jim Beam? Hostess Huger arranges for Monique Samuels and Gizelle Bryant to sail with the Japan team from America’s Cup.
By “sail” she means “try to stay on the boat while the actual sailors run back and forth”, which they do! It mends Monique and Gizelle’s rift, even just momentarily. Boom! Hostess’ed!
more from this series
In the tradition of the many great trips that came before, this one starts with a fight about rooms.
Karen, the Grande Dame herself, takes Ashley under her wing. She’s going to teach her how to be a hostess. First lesson? Don’t let Gizelle give you a hard time about putting her in a twin double with a busted air conditioner. Ashley nails it.
Karen Huger is triple-twenty, which is how The Grande Dame turns sixty. Somehow, she has never worn a swimsuit on screen, but the editors include a snap from her social media to let us mere mortals in the audience know that Mrs. The Black Bill Gates is impossibly snatched for any age. Ashley celebrates by taking her to… Chicken Shit Bingo.
For a show about women, there sure is a lot of talk about everyone’s man. This trip does not pass the Bechdel Test! Of course, Peter Thomas of “stay out of women business” fame (thank you NeNe!) is helping to stir the pot. Not content to cause problems in Cynthia Bailey’s life, he wants to make both Mia and Wendy’s lives worse for having known him.
Good Vibes Only, or GVO, was the mandate handed down from hostess Dr. Wendy Osefo for this couple's trip. For the most part, the husbands took it to heart. Not so for Candiace and Mia!
Ashley needs a vacation from being a mom (who is married to Michael Darby) so she jets off to Madeira with everyone but Monique. Why not Monique? Well, she and Candiace have both accused each other of assault. Everyone agrees Portugal is beautiful and it seems they will be happily taking dry land toboggans and posing by a rocky coast in their swimsuits so long as the Poncha keeps flowing.
The best Housewives have a brand, and Robyn Dixon is no exception. Her brand is late. When it comes to sleeping in and being the last to arrive, she’s the best to ever do it. Robyn is the Michael Jordan of texting “On my way! Traffic!” while still in a bathrobe. Of course she misses her flight and has to give room assignments over the phone.
Gizelle Bryant takes the ladies of Potomac back to her roots in New Orleans. If one wants to understand what makes Gizelle tick, they have to eat Creole food, meet a giant alligator named Brutus who has been alive longer than anyone can remember, dance in a second line, and, of course, meet her dad Curtis.
Monique has a French name and an essential oils business, and that’s two reasons for her to celebrate her birthday in Cannes. No sooner has everyone unpacked and met for a bite, than Ashley is accusing Karen of living in a townhouse instead of the palatial home she entertains in. She denies it, but there is blood in the water.