This trip to Mexico is in celebration of placing in her first fitness competition, so the other Garden State gals present her with a gold and diamond necklace that says “strong”. Everyone chips in, but Jennifer waits until the gift is unveiled to share her opinion that it is ugly, and her jeweler brother would have done better.
Margaret shares a critique of her own: Jennifer’s lip-liner makes her mouth look like a monkey’s as$%*ole. Jennifer, proud practitioner of the I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I school, screeches loudly enough for the entire resort to hear, “A monkey’s as$%*ole you want to suck!”
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Season 13 brought audiences new cast members. Yes, yes, there is Rachel Fuda and Danielle Cabral and Jenn Fessler. More importantly, though, there is Claire, mother of Dolores’ new man. Claire is a sassy Irish lass who calls Dolores a “hussy” and, after perusing a sexy calendar of the househusbands, informs the wives their men are overrated.
When Teresa packs her bags for a couple's trip to Nashville, she brings along her season-long beef with Margaret. Marge asked a question about Teresa’s new man, Louie, and now no one will eat a chicken wing in peace all trip.
It’s driving distance from their homes, but somehow the Jersey Housewives just don’t look right in the Hamptons, like a Dunkin’ Donuts in a nature preserve. However, here they are, lunching at the Margarita Grille and yelling at each other about children’s parties. Who cares about children’s parties? Jennifer.
The Jersey girls’ trip to a red state is off to a great start, with Teresa asking on the way, out loud, just why she is going to Oklahoma? The reason is that Margaret is working on a line of cowboy-themed hospital gowns for kids and wants her friend Polly’s help, so here we are.
The most aggressively Italian women in America return to Italy! Melissa joyfully shouts “Bonjourno!” to every stranger she passes on the street. Teresa gets misty remembering that the last time she was in Milan, she was pregnant with Milania. Danielle tries to remember the Italian insult “puttana” and comes up with “puta”.
Sometimes it takes a tragedy to bring a family together. That’s what happened, for about one season, when Teresa came home from jail. Teresa, her brother Joe, and Melissa don’t have a single argument on this snowy getaway. No, Jacqueline does all the arguing for everyone.
Season six is known amongst RHONJ fans as “that season with the twins”, spoken of in a hushed whisper, the way one would discuss a shameful family secret before sweeping it under the rug. This getaway is as bifurcated as the season, with Teresa, Jacqueline, and Kathy staying home while Dina Manzo, twins Nicole and Teresa (yes, one Teresa was not Italian enough), Melissa, and Amber Marchese going along with their plus ones.
It’s such a cozy scene. A castle by the lake, with overstuffed chairs and a fire blazing in every room. Woe to Steven and Stephanie, the husband and wife team Teresa hired to lead everyone in “team building” exercises.
As anyone who has ever flipped through an issue of People at the checkout stand can tell you, Miraval is where celebrities go to get in touch with nature while basking in luxury. It’s where Oprah unwinds!
A gorgeous RV trip up the California coastline, stopping to surf and paddle canoes, and ending in wine country. Who wouldn’t love it? Well, Joe Giudice for one, because it takes him away from whoever was on the other end of that infamous vineyard phone call that his “bitch wife” interrupted, and his bitch wife, because it means she has to pretend to like her cousin Kathy’s company.