Rinna fights for Harry Hamlin’s honor and is dragged from the table, still brandishing the jagged shards of a broken wine glass and shouting “Never go after my f*&@ing husband!” as Kyle Richards flees into the night.
And that was just the welcome dinner! Over the next two days, Brandi Glanville slaps Lisa Vanderpump’s face, Eileen is smeared as a homewrecker, a be-caped Kyle cries, and Yolanda smiles for pictures with a Dutch windmill keeper she ghosted decades earlier.
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Joyce Giraud, or “Jacqueline” as Brandi calls her five to seven times, has picked this beautiful house built into the side of a cliff for a relaxing desert weekend. Everyone has stripped down to their beautiful bikini bodies, but Yolanda and Brandi are incensed that Joyce and her gorgeous cloud of hair don’t want to get in the pool, because…it’s her pool party and she should lead?
It’s the city of love and models. Brandi and Yolanda jog along the Seine and remember what it was like to be young and gorgeous, walking the catwalk. Kyle and Mauricio write their name on a lock and snap it shut on the Love Lock Bridge, ensuring that they will be together for several more seasons.
Brandi invites the gals to demonstrate her new business venture, stripper fitness. Unsurprisingly, Camille Grammer (née Club MTV) and Yolanda Foster (née Hadid/now Hadid) are lithe and sensuous. Kyle tries her best. Marisa Zanuck, daughter-in-law of legendary producer Richard Zanuck, proclaims that pole dancing isn’t sexy, earning money is sexy.
The Ojai Valley is known for beautiful hiking trails, art galleries, and new age shops. It’s the perfect place to argue about whose book deal is in poor taste. The first evening’s dinner is barely underway when Adrienne Maloof, noticing that Brandi and Kim get teary during a tête-à-tête about combining pills and booze, tucks her bedazzled weave behind one ear and sneers, “Oh no, someone’s crying” to which Brandi retorts, “Shut the f&@k up.”
Kyle Richards, star of Halloween, has made the most of a multi-season arc in which one of her main character traits is “nervous flier.” For this flight to Hawaii, she really brought it, clutching a copy of Zohar. Perfection. Nothing is more Beverly Hills than boarding a private plane with a Kabbalistic text as your comfort item.
This two-day jaunt to see Kelsey Grammer’s Broadway debut in La Cage aux Folles is where this newbie housewife franchise finally found its footing, with an iconic showdown in Serafina between Kyle Richards and Camille Grammer.
If you’re going to visit Vegas, the best way is to go with the owner of a casino. Adrienne Maloof put the ladies and their husbands up in The Palms Casino Resort and got them tickets to Jay-Z, an artist none of the wives were familiar with outside of being Beyonce's husband.